"Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it." - Winston Churchill "Those that fail to learn from history are stupid." - Uncle Brice

What is a Boy?

February 7, 2011

what is a boyWhat is a Boy was written by an anonymous author and was published in The Nevada News of Prescott, Arkansas on January 25, 1951. It was recently resurrected by Jerry McKelvy in his Sandyland Chronicle and serves as the basis for this article.

My thoughts were turned to this subject with the SuperBowl commercial featuring Little Darth Vader (shown below). I suppose it hit home with me since both my son and grandson dressed up as Darth Vader on Halloweens many years apart. Darth Vader and, now, Volkswagen, will last in memory for a long, long time. (By the way VW, I loved my 1963 Beetle.)

Between the innocence of babyhood and the dignity of manhood we find a delightful creature called a boy. Boys come in assorted sizes, weights, and colors, but all boys have the same creed: To enjoy every second of every hour of every day and to protest with noise (their only weapon) when their last minute is finished and the adult males pack them off to bed at night.

Boys are found everywhere — on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around, or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerate them, adults ignore them, and Heaven protects them. A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, and Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair, and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket.


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When you are busy, a boy is an inconsiderate, bothersome, intruding bundle of noise. When you want him to make a good impression, his brain turns to jelly or else he becomes a savage, sadistic jungle creature bent on destroying the world and himself with it.

A boy is a composite — he has the appetite of a horse, the digestion of a sword swallower, the energy of a pocket-size atomic bomb, the curiosity of a cat, the lungs of a dictator, the imagination of a Paul Bunyan, the shyness of a violet, the audacity of a steel trap, the enthusiasm of a firecracker, and when he makes something he has five thumbs on each hand.

little darth vaderNobody else is so early to rise, or so late to supper. Nobody else gets so much fun out of trees, dogs, and breezes. Nobody else can cram into one pocket a rusty knife, a half-eaten apple, 3 feet of string, an empty Bull Durham sack, 2 gum drops, 6 cents, a sling shot, a chunk of unknown substance, and a genuine supersonic code ring with a secret compartment.

A boy is a magical creature — you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can’t lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can’t get him out of your mind. Might as well give up — he’s your captor, your jailor, your boss, and your master — a freckle-faced, pintsize, cat chasing bundle of noise. But when you come home at night with only shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams, he can mend them like new with the two magic words — "Hi Dad!"

Volkswagen captured the essence of a little boy being a little boy. Enjoy.

Uncle Brice Supporters

Say Hey to the Good Folks that make this blog possible:

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

Husband Charged with Reading Wife’s Email

December 31, 2010

husband charged with reading wife's emailLeon Walker of Rochester Hills, Michigan, has come face-to-face with BIG government. Seriously, you cannot get much bigger than charging a husband for reading email on a computer he shares with his wife.

Evidently his wife has a friend in Oakland County Prosecutor Jessica Cooper. She described Walker as a skilled hacker. He is employed by Oakland County as a computer technician.

Just last night Aunt Brice told me she’d been logging into one of my Facebook accounts to "see what I was saying." Honey, your admission, freely given as you tickled your palate with some of Napa Valley’s finest, could put you in jail if we lived near Detroit. You see, Detroit doesn’t have much crime and prosecutors up there go out looking for criminals like you.

Of course there is more to the story – much, much more. You can continue reading below the ads, but be sure and come back to the ads so find out about other stuff or to buy something because these good folks help pay my bills.


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Her Cheating Heart

Clara Walker, the aggrieved party according to the prosecutor who is now divorced from Leon, has three divorces on her resumè. Her email revealed that Clara was having an affair with her second husband, a man who had been arrested for beating her in front of her son from husband number one.

Leon, worried about further domestic violence from the man who was in flagrante delicto (fancy legal term commonly used to describe being caught in the act of having sexual intercourse), turned the email over to husband Number One who then filed for custody of the child.

Kudos to the Detroit Free Press

The Detroit Free Press broke this story on December 26, interviewing all parties involved except Clara Walker who, according to her attorney Michael McCulloch, declined the interview. L. L. Brasier is the staff writer at DFP. Click the link to read the entire article,
Is reading wife’s e-mail a crime? Rochester Hills man faces trial
.

Brasier brings up another point at the close of his article. Attorney Deborah McKelvy asks, "What’s the difference between that and parents who get on their kids’ Facebook accounts?"

Prosecutor Cooper says Leon used his wonderful skills because of his high training to hack into his wife’s password-protected email account. Leon says his wife kept all of her passwords in a book beside the computer. Now I’ll admit that reading is a wonderful skill. Clara also says that in spite of the fact that Leon bought and used the laptop, it was hers alone.

Note: According to neighborhoodscout.com, crime in Detroit registers 525 crimes per square mile; the national average is 49.6.

Uncle Brice Supporters

Say Hey to the Good Folks that make this blog possible:

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

College Football Bowl Season 2010 – 2011

November 25, 2010

college football bowlsCollege football provides a little bit of something for everyone in the bowl games for the 2010 – 2011 season, and I mean everyone: especially those who want to cash in on audiences of various size. College football, like everything else in America is all about money.

It’s not Lingerie Football, but it should still provide some interesting matchups to conclude a wild 2010 college football season. Gone are the days of the Big Four Bowls that glued everyone to their television sets on January 1.

The SEC-West has been a dominant story in 2010 and, as of Thanksgiving Day, 5 of its 6 teams were still ranked in the Top 25 of the BCS Rankings. Yet, Jeff Sagarin as of 11/21 ranks the PAC-10 as the toughest conference. Now, other than undefeated Oregon and 1-loss Stanford, there’s 3-loss Arizona that hasn’t yet played Oregon, 4-loss USC that beat Arizona but lost to 6-loss Washington, and six teams with 5 or more losses. The SEC-West as of Sagarin’s date had undefeated Auburn, 1-loss LSU, 2-loss Alabama and Arkansas, 4-loss Mississippi State and 7 loss Mississippi. Just goes to show you that everybody can have an opinion. Now, here’s my take on Thanksgiving weekend in the SEC-West: Alabama over Auburn and Arkansas over LSU.

The list of all 2010 – 2011 Bowl Games is below. BCS Games are bold.



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Bowl Games in 2010 -2011

Bowl
Date
Teams
New Mexico 12/18 BYU 52 – UTEP 24
uDrove Humanitarian 12/18 Northern Illinois 40 – Fresno State 17
R+L Carriers New Orleans 12/18

Ohio 21 – Troy 48

Beef ‘O’ Bradys St. Petersburg 12/21 Louisville 31 – Southern Mississippi 28
MAACO Las Vegas 12/22 (19) Utah 3 – (11) Boise State 26
S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia 12/23 San Diego State 35 – Navy 14
Sheraton Hawaii 12/24 Tulsa 62 – (24) Hawaii 35
Little Caesars 12/26 Florida International 34 – Toledo 32
AdvoCare V100 Independence 12/27 Georgia Tech 7 – Air Force 14
Champs Sports 12/28 (22) West Virginia 7 – N C State 23
Insight 12/28 (12) Missouri 24 – Iowa 27
Military Bowl – Northrup Grumman 12/29 Maryland 51 – East Carolina 20
Texas 12/29 Illinois 38 – Baylor 14
Valero Alamo 12/29 (14) Oklahoma State 36 – Arizona 10
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces 12/30 SMU 14 – Army 16
New Era Pinstripe 12/30 Kansas State 34 – Syracuse 36
Franklin American Mortgage Music City 12/30 North Carolina 30 vs Tennessee 27
Bridgepoint Education Holiday 12/30 (18) Nebraska 7 vs Washington 19
Meineke Car Care 12/31 South Florida 31 – Clemson 26
Hyundai Sun 12/31 Notre Dame 33 – Miami 17
AutoZone Liberty 12/31 (25) UCF 10 – Georgia 6
Chick-fil-A 12/31 (20) South Carolina 17 - (23) Florida State 26
TicketCity 01/01 Northwestern 38 – Texas Tech 45
Outback 01/01 Florida 37 – Penn State 24
Capital One 01/01 (16) Alabama 49 – (9) Michigan State 7
Gator 01/01 (21) Mississippi State 52 – Michigan 14
Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio 01/01 (5) Wisconsin 19 - (3) TCU 21
Tostitos Fiesta 01/01 Connecticut 20 – (7) Oklahoma 48
Discover Orange 01/03 (4) Stanford 40 – (13) Virginia Tech 12
Allstate Sugar 01/04 (6) Ohio State 31 – (8) Arkansas 26
GoDaddy.com 01/06 Middle Tennessee 21 – Miami, Ohio 35
AT&T Cotton 01/07 (17) Texas A & M 24 – (10) LSU 41
BBVA Compass Bowl 01/08 Pittsburg 27 – Kentucky 10
Kraft Fight Hunger 01/09 Boston College 13 – (15) Nevada 20
Tostitos BCS National Championship Game 01/10 (1) Auburn 22 – (2) Oregon 19

So, there’s a whole lot of opportunity to Party Your, uh, Head Off. Grab a significant (or insignificant) other and have a good time as college football shines. Guys, maximize your chances to score with the winners by grabbing some of that clothing mentioned above in my own advertising. Don’t blame me, I’d like to make a little money off the bowl games, too. And you’ll like what I’m promoting a whole lot better, especially when victory is yours.

College Football BCS – 2010

November 1, 2010

college football bowlsCollege football BCS rankings for Week 10 saw Oregon move past Auburn for the top spot. So I decided to figure out how the BCS works.

The basics for BCS rankings are that they are a melding of the AP Poll, the USA Today Poll and six computers that use strength of schedule as part of the mix.

I chose to look at five teams that should have the best shot at playing in the National Title game: Oregon, Auburn, Boise State, TCU and Alabama.

Looking at the Week 10 BCS rankings I find that Oregon’s schedule includes ONE team in the Top 25, Number 15 Arizona. Auburn’s schedule includes Mississippi State – Number 20, South Carolina – Number 19, Arkansas – Number 18, LSU – Number 10 and Alabama – Number 6. Boise State’s schedule has Number 22 Virginia Tech and Nevada at Number 23 while TCU has Number 21 Baylor and Utah at Number 5.

Alabama has Arkansas at 18, South Carolina at 19, LSU at 10, Mississippi State at 20 and Auburn at 2. Strength of schedule looks like it favors Auburn and Alabama since both have FIVE currently ranked BCS teams on their schedule. And let’s not forget that Penn State was ranked #18 when the Crimson Tide beat them and Florida was #7 when Alabama whipped them.



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BCS Breakdown

Oregon’s Opponents
Record
Conference
New Mexico
0 – 8
Mountain West
Tennessee
2 – 6
SEC – East
Portland State
2 – 6
Big Sky
Arizona State
4 – 4
PAC 10
Stanford (#9 on gameday)
7 – 1
PAC 10
Washington State
1 – 8
PAC 10
UCLA
3 – 5
PAC 10
USC (#24 on gameday)
5 – 3
PAC 10
Washington
3 – 5
PAC 10
California
4 – 4
PAC 10
Arizona (BCS – 15)
7 – 1
PAC 10
Oregon State
4 – 3
PAC 10
Combined Week 10 Record of Opponents
42 – 54
 

Computer Rankings for Oregon

Anderson & Hester
2
Richard Billingsley
3
Colley Matrix
7
Kenneth Massey
7
Jeff Sagarin
2
Peter Wolfe
2

Oregon at Number One this week is purely based on the coach’s poll and the AP poll. Not one computer put the Ducks in that position and, as you can see, a couple of them had ‘em at Number 7. They have yet to play a BCS ranked team and have only one on their schedule if Arizona can hang on for a couple more weeks. And Auburn has already beaten FOUR BCS ranked teams. Go figure.

Auburn’s Opponents
Record
Conference
Arkansas State
3 – 5
Sun Belt
Mississippi State (BCS – 20)
7 – 2
SEC – West
Clemson
4 – 4
ACC
South Carolina (BCS – 19)
6 – 2
SEC – East
Louisiana-Monroe
4 – 4
Sun Belt
Kentucky
4 – 5
SEC – East
Arkansas (BCS – 18)
6 – 2
SEC – West
LSU (BCS – 10)
7 – 1
SEC – West
Mississippi
3 – 5
SEC – West
Chattanooga
5 – 3
Southern
Georgia
4 – 5
SEC – East
Alabama (BCS – 6)
7 – 1
SEC – West
Combined Week 10 Record of Opponents
60 – 39
 

Computer Rankings for Auburn

Anderson & Hester
1
Richard Billingsley
1
Colley Matrix
1
Kenneth Massey
1
Jeff Sagarin
1
Peter Wolfe
1

The computers – all of them – love Auburn. But it’s probably going to come down to the last game of the regular season against Alabama. And, then, they might play South Carolina again in the SEC Championship Game.

Boise State’s Opponents
Record
Conference
Virginia Tech (BCS – 22)
6 – 2
ACC
Wyoming
2 – 7
Mountain West
Oregon State
4 – 3
PAC 10
New Mexico State
2 – 6
Western Athletic
Toledo
6 – 3
MAC
San Jose State
1 – 8
Western Athletic
Louisiana Tech
3 – 5
Western Athletic
Hawaii
7 – 2
Western Athletic
Idaho
4 – 4
Western Athletic
Fresno State
5 – 2
Western Athletic
Nevada (BCS 23)
7 – 1
Western Athletic
Utah State
2 – 6
Western Athletic
Combined Week 10 Record of Opponents
49 – 49
 

Computer Rankings for Boise State

Anderson & Hester
4
Richard Billingsley
5
Colley Matrix
5
Kenneth Massey
7
Jeff Sagarin
13
Peter Wolfe
7

The computers don’t like Boise State nearly as much as the coaches and the AP poll. Any respect I might have had for the Broncos flew out the window when they turned down the opportunity to play Nebraska, a team that certainly would have improved the strength of their schedule. Oh, but they might have lost that game!!!

TCU’s Opponents
Record
Conference
Oregon State
4 – 3
PAC -10
Tennessee Tech
4 – 4
OVC
Baylor (BCS – 21)
7 – 2
Big 12
SMU
5 – 4
USA
Colorado State
3 – 6
Mountain West
Wyoming
2 – 7
Mountain West
Brigham Young
3 – 5
Mountain West
Air Force
5 – 4
Mountain West
UNLV
1 – 7
Mountain West
Utah (BCS – 5)
8 – 0
Mountain West
San Diego State
6 – 2
Mountain West
New Mexico
0 – 8
Mountain West
Combined Week 10 Record of Opponents
48 – 52
 

Computer Rankings for TCU

Anderson & Hester
6
Richard Billingsley
2
Colley Matrix
2
Kenneth Massey
3
Jeff Sagarin
5
Peter Wolfe
3

There is no rhyme nor reason for TCU’s computer rankings. Two computers ranking them number 2 and two ranking them number three when their opponents have a combined record of 48 – 52, with an 8 – 0 and a 6 – 2 that they haven’t played yet. Take away the records of the three teams yet to be played and the opponent’s record is 34 – 44.

Alabama’s Opponents
Record
Conference
San Jose State
1 – 8
Western Athletic
Penn State (#18 on gameday)
5 – 3
Big 10
Duke
2 – 6
ACC
Arkansas (BCS 18)
6 – 2
SEC – West
Florida (#7 on gameday)
5 – 3
SEC – East
South Carolina (BCS 19) LOSS
6 – 2
SEC – East
Mississippi
3 – 5
SEC – West
Tennessee
2 – 6
SEC – East
LSU (BCS – 10)
7 – 1
SEC – West
Mississippi State (BCS – 20)
7 – 2
SEC – West
Georgia State
5 – 4
1AA
Auburn (BCS – 2)
9 – 0
SEC – West
Combined Week 10 Record of Opponents
58 – 42
 

Computer Rankings for Alabama

Anderson & Hester
9
Richard Billingsley
4
Colley Matrix
13
Kenneth Massey
16
Jeff Sagarin
17
Peter Wolfe
15

Alabama is poised to move up in the computer rankings because two of their final three opponents have good records, Mississippi State and Auburn. Of course, Alabama would have to win all of its remaining games, certainly a possibility.

I spend so much time on the Internet that I do my best to clean my computer once a week and never more than 10 days between cleanings. Here’s a special you might want to know about:

How Dinosaurs Became Extinct

April 27, 2010

wisdom of uncle brice Memory problems seem to be multiplying as I get older, and that has brought several realizations into my life. Most of those revelations involve the need for pen and paper and a renewed spirit to write notes.

Of course, it’s then important to remember where those notes are. I use iGoogle, a free service, as my home page for when I get on the Internet. You can add gadgets to your home page – like a To Do List. My list has things like, "Change air conditioning filter on the 1st of the month."

I can also use it to tell me where my regular "to do" lists are such as "baseball schedule on refrigerator" or "grocery list on bar" or something like that.

Now, what’s all this have to do with dinosaurs becoming extinct. Well, just look at the cartoon below.


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how dinosaurs became extinct

Uncle Brice Supporters

Say Hey to the Good Folks that make this blog possible:

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

Sarah Palin Videos and T-shirts

April 2, 2010

You’re a Pain ! – Palin Parody of "You’re So Vain !"

You gotta admit. Someone did a good job with this parody of the song.

"The View" : Meghan McCain Blasts Sarah Palin and Tea Party Movement

I believe the headline writer went a little overboard with this one. "Blasts" Sarah Palin? I don’t think so.


Other Stuff You Might Like

Get Credit Card and Debit Card Information at Credit Cards for America

Learn about earning income from home at Home Business Opportunities

Article about Sarah Palin


Create a personalized gift at Zazzle.

Horseracing’s Race for the Ages

March 9, 2010

Apple Blossom InvitationalIt’s being called the Race for the Ages, and it will take place at Oaklawn Race Track in Hot Springs, Arkansas on April 9, 2010. The $5,000,000 (FIVE MILLION DOLLAR) purse is unprecedented in the history of horse racing.

Rachel Alexander Pulls Out of the Race – March 15 Update

Rumor has it that Hot Springs may (or may not) be THE place to be this second weekend in April. People from all over the world are already making reservations. One report is that "someone" from the Middle East has paid $160,000 to rent a house in Hot Springs for four days. Another has paid $5,000 for a reserved box.

The Arkansas Derby has sent several horses on to Kentucky that won the more famous Kentucky Derby. But the Race for the Ages is not the Arkansas Derby. It’s the Apple Blossom Invitational that has been moved from it’s regular date of one week before the Arkansas Derby to the day before.

What’s so special about this race, you know, other than a purse of $5,000,000? How about a head-to-head faceoff between two of horseracing’s top horses: Rachel Alexander and Kenyatta?


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race for the agesRachel Alexander carries the title Horse of the Year, and Zenyatta won last year’s Breeder’s Cup Classic. Consider this: On February 18 Zenyatta turned in a six furlong workout of 1:14; six days later Rachel Alexander turned in a six furlong workout of 1:14. Both horse has since run faster times in the six furlongs. The Apple Blossom Invitation 2010 is being extended from a mile and a quarter to a mile and a half.

If you think you might be traveling to Hot Springs for the first time in your life, there are a few things you should know. It’s been my personal experience that you will not find any better people in the United States. It’s the capital of "laid back" and that could be because of its history of being THE place to go to relax. The thermal baths have drawn people for over a century. My significant other says the best massage she’s ever had happened in Hot Springs.

Of course, you should know that traffic on a normal racing day is the pits. Throw in the Race for the Ages and, well, let me recommend you go a day or two early and stake out a spot. It will probably be plenty warm so a sleeping bag night is not out of the question. And always remember that when you’re in Hot Springs the Number One Rule is to have fun.

Hot Springs at Sunset

Hot Springs at sunset

Uncle Brice Supporters

Say Hey to the Good Folks that make this blog possible:

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

Daily Humor to Make You Smile P. 2

January 23, 2010

smile and make folks wonder what you have been up toDaily Humor to Make You Smile introduced Richard and Terry a while back as well as a few of their friends. Well, let me tell you about the time Terry dressed up Richard as Santa Claus and took him to the mall. Richard sat there chatting with the kids while Terry snapped photos of Santa and the Kid, plus a few additional photos of the young moms accompanying them. You just gotta know Terry to understand. Well, let me put it this way. You just got to know a little something about men. ‘Nuff said.

Well, this one little girl crawled up on Santa’s lap and said she wanted a little brother for Christmas. So Santa (Richard) whispered to her. "Tell your mom to come see me in a minute."


That last story reminds me of Richard and Terry’s friend John. Now you gotta understand that John lives in a small one-horse town in Mississippi just outside Tunica. The receptionist’s desk at the doctor’s office sits in the middle of the waiting room, and there’s no such thing as privacy when talking to the young lady. If that wasn’t enough, she always asks probing questions. So Ol’ John heads up to the doc’s office because he’s having a pretty serious problem.

Sure enough, the young lady looks up and asks, "What are you seeing the doctor about today?"

John answered, "My penis."

You shoulda seen the look of horror that crossed that little filly’s face. "Sir, we’d prefer you be a little more discreet."

John answered, "I ain’t the one who asked the question."

"But, sir," she protested. "You should have said something like, My arm. Then when you got into the doctor’s office you could have talked to him in private." Well, Ol’ John walked out of the office, only to return a few minutes later.

"I need to see the doctor," he said.

"What are you seeing the doctor for today?" the girl asked.

"My arm," he replied.

She smiled at how well the man had followed her advice. "What’s wrong with your arm?" she asked, to which he replied, "I’m having trouble pissing out of it."



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Terry and Richard have a friend they call Buddy. I’m not sure anybody knows his real name; he’s just been called Buddy for as long as anyone can remember. Well, Buddy was a victim of corporate greed and watched his job get shipped overseas. What with hundreds of thousands of people losing their job, he simply could not find work of any kind. One day he was standing just outside the labor office and heard people talking about a medical testing company that was looking for test subjects. He got the address and hurried over.

The lady behind the desk looks ol’ Buddy up and down. Then she says, "We only have one test available at the moment. And it’s for men who will mate with gorillas. There’s a fee of $500."

Buddy thought about it for a moment or two. Then he said, "Okay, I’ll do it under three conditions. First, absolutely no one can ever find out I did it. Second, if there is any offspring I want to know that they will be treated humanely. Third, I’ve been off work for several months, so it’s gonna take me some time to come up with the money."


Terry and Richard had been out one night doing some serious damage to the countie’s supply of beer. They flipped a coin to see who would drive home, and Terry won the honor.

He’d driven only two blocks when blue lights began flashing behind him. He pulled over and told Richard, "Keep quiet. I’ll do all the talking ’cause your drunker than me." Richard nodded just as the officer tapped on the driver’s window.

Terry opened the window to see a petite, busty female cop. As explained previously about men, he smiled.

"Sir, would you get out of the car please?" she said.

"Yes, m’am," Terry answered in his best drunk voice. "Anything for you, young lady."

The officer held up her hand. "Sir, I need to tell you that anything you say can and will be held against you."

Terry thought for a moment and said, "Breasts."


Tom the Traveler is another friend of Terry and Richard. They call him the Traveler because he goes to some of the hottest spots in the world for vacation, and he does it every year. Well, the guys wanted to know how he managed to do it.

Tom said, "Well, truth be told, it was a very bad idea. You guys remember that last year it was Hawaii." They nodded. "Well, got back and the wife was pregnant. The year before that it was Paris. Got back and the wife was pregnant. The year before that it was Amsterdam. Got back and the wife was pregnant."

Richard said, "Well, Tom, that sounds like some pretty successful vacations to me. What are you going to do different?"

Tom stretched his back, looked at Terry, than back at Richard. "This year I’m taking the wife with me."

Page 1 – Page 2

Other Funny Stuff

Daily Humor to Make You Smile

January 23, 2010

smile and make folks wonder what you have been up toAmericans are too uptight. We all need to step back, relax and smile. I don’t think anyone would get hurt if you just outright laughed out loud. It’s good for you.

That brings to mind a couple friends of mine: Richard and Terry. These guys, both married to wonderful ladies, have another love in their lives: being on the water, well – that and beer. You can find them out boating rivers, lakes and, on occasion, the ocean. It was one such ocean voyage we want to discuss here.

Things did not go exactly as planned, and Richard and Terry found themselves alone in a lifeboat. Days passed. On Day 14, the signal lamp’s battery died. The guys looked at one another for quite a spell before Terry, lamp in hand, said, "What the *&@$ do we do now?"

Richard, being the fun loving guy that he is in just about all circumstances, said, "Why don’t you rub it and see if a genie comes out?"

Terry smiled. "Why the *&@$ not?" He rubbed it furiously. And, sure enough, a beautiful genie appeared. Richard, so taken by her good looks and great physique, just sat there mouth agape and silent when she explained that she was a genie in training and, because of that, could grant them only one wish.

Terry immediately shouted, "Turn the ocean into beer."

That brought Richard out of his trance. "No, no, wait!" he shouted. Too late. The ocean became beer and the genie disappeared. "Damnation, boy," he shouted at Terry. "What were you thinking? Now we’re gonna have to pee in the boat."


Terry and Richard have a friend named Robert who works down at the local appliance store. One day this devastatingly beautiful blond walked into the store and Robert rushed up to her. "May I help you, young lady?" he gushed.

"Yes," she answered. "I want to buy this TV."

Robert was crestfallen. "I’m sorry, m’am. We don’t sell to blondes."

"Okay," she said, and left the store.

A couple days passed, and she dyed her hair brown. She returned to the appliance store and, once again, Robert greeted her. "May I help you, young lady?"

"Yes," she answered. "I want to buy this TV."

Once again, Robert was crestfallen. "I’m sorry, m’am. We don’t sell to blondes."

"Okay," she said, and left the store just like she had the first time. Two weeks passed. She dyed her hair red and returned to the store.

Robert, for the third time, greeted her. "May I help you, young lady?"

"Yes," she said. "I want to buy this TV."

Once again Robert replied, "I’m sorry, m’am. We don’t sell to blondes."

The young beauty turned to square off with him. "Okay, the first time I came in here I had blond hair. You said you didn’t sell to blonds, so I left. But I came back as a brunette and today as a redhead, and you are still saying you don’t sell to blonds. How do you know I’m blond?"

Robert smiled, "Because this is a microwave, not a TV."


Find it Online

Terry and Richard have a lot of friends. One such female friend, Mary, visited her grandmother shortly after the death of her grandfather.

"Memaw," she asked. "What caused Papaw’s death?"

Her grandmother began to explain. "We were making love…"

"Memaw!" Mary shouted. "Don’t you know that’s very dangerous for people your age?"

"No, no, no, honey," her grandmother replied. "We had a perfectly good system. Every Sunday morning the church bells would ring, and it helped us develop a slow, steady, and perfectly safe, rhythm. Forward on the ding and backward on the dong. It was great for years. But, then, one Sunday morning, a damn ice cream truck showed up."


One of Richard and Terry’s friends, a female, is getting up in years and I ain’t about to reveal her name. In her younger days, she had been the belle of the ball at every night club she visited. She was one in-demand honey, if you know what I mean. Anyway, that was then, and this is now. She comes up with an idea about how to reclaim her glory days. One night she goes to the local honky-tonk wearing only a trench coat. Nothing else. Just a trench coat.

She spies one likely looking guy, walks up to him, opens the trench coat and asks, "Super sex?" He jumps up, screams the word disgusting, and runs out of the bar.

So, she looks around and spots a guy who’s not quite as good looking as the first. She walks up, opens her trench coat and says, "Super Sex." He jumps up, screams the word disgusting, and runs out of the bar.

So, she spots a third guy. This one looks quite nerdy, and she figures he hasn’t been with a woman in a long, long time. So, she walks up to him, opens her trench coat, and says, "Super Sex." He looks at the woman and lets his eyes roam up and down her body. "Soup," he answered.

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Other Websites of Interest

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

Arkansas Technology

January 18, 2010

Senator Blanche Lincoln from ArkansasArkansas Technology seems to have been impressive to a Texican who sent me the basic facts for this important news article. I’m not the author of the basic facts, and if he stole them from someone, please accept my apologies and calm down a bit. It ain’t that life-changing. Besides, I made up most of it myself.

New York and California have been competing with one another ever since we allowed California to become a part of the United States. New Yorkers got quite uppity after they bought Manhattan for twenty-four dollars. I don’t know why they got so uppity about it. Just look at what Manahattan has done to the rest of America. Some folks are beginning to believe they should have left the Wall standing instead of turning it into a street.

Archaeologists dug a hole, like archaeologists do from time to time. It seems that at a depth of ten feet they discovered some old copper wire. Now, you know how archaeologists are. If they find something, they got to make it look like a discovery. So they issued a press release saying that New York ancestors had a working phone system long before Alexander Graham Bell strung his cans together.

Californians grabbed their own archaeologists and had ‘em start diggin. Sure enough, at a depth of twenty feet they found some old copper wire and, sure enough, they issued a press release that California had a telephone system 100 years before the one in New York.

About a week after the California discover, Bubba Smith from Hardy, Arkansas was trying to dig a new well out in his pasture. You might have guessed this, but after digging down thrity feet he did not find any copper wire. None, nada, zip. Bein’ the enterprisin’ Arkansan that he is, he wrote to the local newspaper that an Arkie-ologist had determined that 100 years before the folks in California had their copper wire phone system, Arkansas had already gone wireless!


Find it Online

Uncle Brice Supporters

Say Hey to the Good Folks that make this blog possible:

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

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