Daily Humor to Make You Smile introduced Richard and Terry a while back as well as a few of their friends. Well, let me tell you about the time Terry dressed up Richard as Santa Claus and took him to the mall. Richard sat there chatting with the kids while Terry snapped photos of Santa and the Kid, plus a few additional photos of the young moms accompanying them. You just gotta know Terry to understand. Well, let me put it this way. You just got to know a little something about men. ‘Nuff said.

Well, this one little girl crawled up on Santa’s lap and said she wanted a little brother for Christmas. So Santa (Richard) whispered to her. "Tell your mom to come see me in a minute."

That last story reminds me of Richard and Terry’s friend John. Now you gotta understand that John lives in a small one-horse town in Mississippi just outside Tunica. The receptionist’s desk at the doctor’s office sits in the middle of the waiting room, and there’s no such thing as privacy when talking to the young lady. If that wasn’t enough, she always asks probing questions. So Ol’ John heads up to the doc’s office because he’s having a pretty serious problem.

Sure enough, the young lady looks up and asks, "What are you seeing the doctor about today?"

John answered, "My penis."

You shoulda seen the look of horror that crossed that little filly’s face. "Sir, we’d prefer you be a little more discreet."

John answered, "I ain’t the one who asked the question."

"But, sir," she protested. "You should have said something like, My arm. Then when you got into the doctor’s office you could have talked to him in private." Well, Ol’ John walked out of the office, only to return a few minutes later.

"I need to see the doctor," he said.

"What are you seeing the doctor for today?" the girl asked.

"My arm," he replied.

She smiled at how well the man had followed her advice. "What’s wrong with your arm?" she asked, to which he replied, "I’m having trouble pissing out of it."

Terry and Richard have a friend they call Buddy. I’m not sure anybody knows his real name; he’s just been called Buddy for as long as anyone can remember. Well, Buddy was a victim of corporate greed and watched his job get shipped overseas. What with hundreds of thousands of people losing their job, he simply could not find work of any kind. One day he was standing just outside the labor office and heard people talking about a medical testing company that was looking for test subjects. He got the address and hurried over.

The lady behind the desk looks ol’ Buddy up and down. Then she says, "We only have one test available at the moment. And it’s for men who will mate with gorillas. There’s a fee of $500."

Buddy thought about it for a moment or two. Then he said, "Okay, I’ll do it under three conditions. First, absolutely no one can ever find out I did it. Second, if there is any offspring I want to know that they will be treated humanely. Third, I’ve been off work for several months, so it’s gonna take me some time to come up with the money."

Terry and Richard had been out one night doing some serious damage to the countie’s supply of beer. They flipped a coin to see who would drive home, and Terry won the honor.

He’d driven only two blocks when blue lights began flashing behind him. He pulled over and told Richard, "Keep quiet. I’ll do all the talking ’cause your drunker than me." Richard nodded just as the officer tapped on the driver’s window.

Terry opened the window to see a petite, busty female cop. As explained previously about men, he smiled.

"Sir, would you get out of the car please?" she said.

"Yes, m’am," Terry answered in his best drunk voice. "Anything for you, young lady."

The officer held up her hand. "Sir, I need to tell you that anything you say can and will be held against you."

Terry thought for a moment and said, "Breasts."

Tom the Traveler is another friend of Terry and Richard. They call him the Traveler because he goes to some of the hottest spots in the world for vacation, and he does it every year. Well, the guys wanted to know how he managed to do it.

Tom said, "Well, truth be told, it was a very bad idea. You guys remember that last year it was Hawaii." They nodded. "Well, got back and the wife was pregnant. The year before that it was Paris. Got back and the wife was pregnant. The year before that it was Amsterdam. Got back and the wife was pregnant."

Richard said, "Well, Tom, that sounds like some pretty successful vacations to me. What are you going to do different?"

Tom stretched his back, looked at Terry, than back at Richard. "This year I’m taking the wife with me."

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Other Funny Stuff

Americans are too uptight. We all need to step back, relax and smile. I don’t think anyone would get hurt if you just outright laughed out loud. It’s good for you.

That brings to mind a couple friends of mine: Richard and Terry. These guys, both married to wonderful ladies, have another love in their lives: being on the water, well – that and beer. You can find them out boating rivers, lakes and, on occasion, the ocean. It was one such ocean voyage we want to discuss here.

Things did not go exactly as planned, and Richard and Terry found themselves alone in a lifeboat. Days passed. On Day 14, the signal lamp’s battery died. The guys looked at one another for quite a spell before Terry, lamp in hand, said, "What the *&@$ do we do now?"

Richard, being the fun loving guy that he is in just about all circumstances, said, "Why don’t you rub it and see if a genie comes out?"

Terry smiled. "Why the *&@$ not?" He rubbed it furiously. And, sure enough, a beautiful genie appeared. Richard, so taken by her good looks and great physique, just sat there mouth agape and silent when she explained that she was a genie in training and, because of that, could grant them only one wish.

Terry immediately shouted, "Turn the ocean into beer."

That brought Richard out of his trance. "No, no, wait!" he shouted. Too late. The ocean became beer and the genie disappeared. "Damnation, boy," he shouted at Terry. "What were you thinking? Now we’re gonna have to pee in the boat."

Terry and Richard have a friend named Robert who works down at the local appliance store. One day this devastatingly beautiful blond walked into the store and Robert rushed up to her. "May I help you, young lady?" he gushed.

"Yes," she answered. "I want to buy this TV."

Robert was crestfallen. "I’m sorry, m’am. We don’t sell to blondes."

"Okay," she said, and left the store.

A couple days passed, and she dyed her hair brown. She returned to the appliance store and, once again, Robert greeted her. "May I help you, young lady?"

"Yes," she answered. "I want to buy this TV."

Once again, Robert was crestfallen. "I’m sorry, m’am. We don’t sell to blondes."

"Okay," she said, and left the store just like she had the first time. Two weeks passed. She dyed her hair red and returned to the store.

Robert, for the third time, greeted her. "May I help you, young lady?"

"Yes," she said. "I want to buy this TV."

Once again Robert replied, "I’m sorry, m’am. We don’t sell to blondes."

The young beauty turned to square off with him. "Okay, the first time I came in here I had blond hair. You said you didn’t sell to blonds, so I left. But I came back as a brunette and today as a redhead, and you are still saying you don’t sell to blonds. How do you know I’m blond?"

Robert smiled, "Because this is a microwave, not a TV."

Terry and Richard have a lot of friends. One such female friend, Mary, visited her grandmother shortly after the death of her grandfather.

"Memaw," she asked. "What caused Papaw’s death?"

Her grandmother began to explain. "We were making love…"

"Memaw!" Mary shouted. "Don’t you know that’s very dangerous for people your age?"

"No, no, no, honey," her grandmother replied. "We had a perfectly good system. Every Sunday morning the church bells would ring, and it helped us develop a slow, steady, and perfectly safe, rhythm. Forward on the ding and backward on the dong. It was great for years. But, then, one Sunday morning, a damn ice cream truck showed up."

One of Richard and Terry’s friends, a female, is getting up in years and I ain’t about to reveal her name. In her younger days, she had been the belle of the ball at every night club she visited. She was one in-demand honey, if you know what I mean. Anyway, that was then, and this is now. She comes up with an idea about how to reclaim her glory days. One night she goes to the local honky-tonk wearing only a trench coat. Nothing else. Just a trench coat.

She spies one likely looking guy, walks up to him, opens the trench coat and asks, "Super sex?" He jumps up, screams the word disgusting, and runs out of the bar.

So, she looks around and spots a guy who’s not quite as good looking as the first. She walks up, opens her trench coat and says, "Super Sex." He jumps up, screams the word disgusting, and runs out of the bar.

So, she spots a third guy. This one looks quite nerdy, and she figures he hasn’t been with a woman in a long, long time. So, she walks up to him, opens her trench coat, and says, "Super Sex." He looks at the woman and lets his eyes roam up and down her body. "Soup," he answered.

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Other Websites of Interest

Online Little Rock.com is where Uncle Brice got his start. There’s a ton of information on this site about Arkansas, Little Rock, dining, dancing, shopping (and shopping online). It’s also a high-trafficked Civil War information site. You can even find out stuff about all the colleges and universities of Arkansas.

Home Business Opportunities is a site that has never been more in demand. You can find legitimate ways to earn money from home as well as a lot of information about Internet marketing, writing, building traffic for your website, and more.

The owners of Online Little Rock have a mission in life to teach everyone about brain injury. They have two websites that have hundreds of pages of information, including visitor-submitted Brain Injury Stories. The sites are Brain Injury Online and Brain Injury Guide.

Beth’s Brain Injury Blog is a favorite in the brain injury community. She writes about the good, the bad and the ugly of brain injury and how you must maintain a sense of humor to live successfully whether you are the victim or a caregiver.

Advantages of being a man are numerous. For thousands of years men have controlled both government and religion. That’s not to say men are better by any stretch of the imagination; it’s just to say they’ve been in control.And that’s not to say many men are just simply plain stupider than doorknobs; it’s just to say they’ve been in control because there are advantages to being a man.

A friend sent me these advantages so I do not claim ownership to these ideas. I just thought you might like to know about them.

Your last name stays put

The garage is all yours

Wedding plans take care of themselves

Chocolate is just another snack

You can never be pregnant

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt (unless you’re a member of Congress)

The world is your urinal(continued below right after you buy or, at least, look at whatever is advertised next)

Win $1000 from Survey Adventure for your opinions!

Same work (or less), more pay

Wrinkles add character

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat

A five-day holiday (vacation) requires only one suitcase

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

Your underwear is $7.50 for a three-pack

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades

You only have to shave your face and neck

You can play with toys all your life

One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons

You can do your nails with a pocket knife

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache

You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes

Related (or not) Stuff

Funny Newspaper Headlines

What Do You Want to be …

Improve Your Sex Life: Top Selling eBooks

Newspaper Headline Editor Wanted: Must be breathing and have at least once walked within 200 feet of a school. I remember a time when newspapers had a section everyone referred to as "the funny papers" or "the funnies." You could find Beetle Bailey and a whole host of short comics that would bring a smile to your face.

Today, you don’t need a comic section. The current crop of headline editors give us plenty to smile about. Now, and this is important, if the headline is actually based on the story, you just gotta wonder about what the story says. However, not having the inclination to actually read newspapers any more since all the best stuff is on the Internet, I freely admit to reading only these headlines that I found on the Internet.

So, without further ado, let’s get on to these tidbits of buffoonery.

Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

I’m believin’ it’s the other half of U. S. High Schools where headline editors walked.

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

If this is really true, then those policemen walked along with the headline editors as they passed within 200 feet of a school.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

I wonder if that would apply to a heat wave as well.

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It Could Last Awhile

I wonder if the headline editors are the ones on strike. That could explain a lot.

Pastor aghast at first lady sex position

You know, I once heard a pastor tell someone that ought not to be inquiring about other men’s wives when someone asked where Cain got his. Then along comes this pastor expressing his views about the sex position of another man’s wife. And that, of course, brings up a whole ‘nother question about how the pastor made such a ghastly discovery.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Now here’s the job I want: Expert Plane Crash Figure-Outer. I can see it all now. First of all, I gotta have a couple hunnert thousand dollars a year because it’s such an important job. "Uncle Brice, do you know why this plane crashed?" "Yes, sir. I do. After careful investigation of the hole in the ground and walking within 200 feet of the black box, I have determined that the dang thing fell out of the sky."

Woman improving after fatal crash

I don’t rightly know what to say about this. But I’m sure glad for the woman. (continued below right after you buy or, at least, look at whatever is advertised next)

Win $1000 from Survey Adventure for your opinions!

Stray bullet killed one bystander slightly

I guess gettin’ kilt slightly is like sorta getting pregnant. But I defer all questions about how to get pregnant and have a baby with no one knowing about it to a recently former governor from a state that is not among those called contiguous and the name therefore, wherewith and whyfor, begins with the letter A.

Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead

Once agin I find myself at a loss for words.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

You know, over in west Arkansas is the site of ol’ Hanging Judge Parker’s courthouse, and the gallows are still there. Shooting, I guess, is another option and it would certainly help reduce the prison population.

Related (or not) Stuff

Smoking is What?!?

What Do You Want to be …

Improve Your Sex Life: Top Selling eBooks

How many times does a child hear that question: what do you want to be when you grow up? Little boys want to be firemen, policemen, soldiers or a superman-like crime fighter. Perhaps a Ninja Turtle? Sports star? Rarely does a kid want to be an accountant or a clerk or bag groceries.

Little girls want to be a princess. Funny thing is, most of ‘em turn out to be just that…, you know, to us guys who know they control the world and dispense the good things to those currently in their favor. Oh, how we want to be in their favor!

Of course, things change for the kiddies after age three or four and they start to get more serious about stuff. Back in the day, kids didn’t have to make up their minds until they, at least, were teenagers. I remember walking across the football field with my date at the Senior Prom to a feller holding a microphone. He asked what I planned to do. I looked at the date on my arm and resisted saying what was on my mind, blurting out some respectable-type job.

Little kids are more observant today, I think. After all the attention devoted to Barack Obama’s election, a whole bunch of kids now wanted to be president. But I’ve never heard of a child wanting to be a scum-of-the-earth lobbyist. Whatever happened to wanting to be like dad or be like mom?

Well, I discovered one little girl who was so inspired by her mommy that she decided to tell the whole world. (continued below)

Who wouldn’t want a lot of men giving them money? This young lady knows what it’s all about. She may have already figured out the power of being a woman.

Other Funny Stuff

Smoking is What?!?

Kids Still Say the Darndest Things

Wisdom of Ben Franklin

Smoking is bad for you, right? Well, it ain’t always been so. Matter of fact, smoking used to be desired. It solved all sorts of problems. Of course, back then we didn’t have a Surgeon General who studied all the harmful effects.

Even Ronald Reagan, long before he was President of the United States, did TV commercials and print ads for Chesterfields.

Today there are numerous websites that portray smoking as sexy even though consensus opinion in the United States is that smoking is bad and only evil things come from smoking. So, let’s take a look at advertising from the past.

Wooooooooooie, pig sooooooooooie! They throw up a hot chick telling you how wonderful things are when you smoke. And you know us guys! We’re gonna do it if it makes a girl like us better.

Ronald Reagan, who later became President of the United States, promoted Chesterfield cigarettes. In fact, he said he was sending cigarettes as Christmas gifts. Who could resist the beautiful Christmas Card carton? I would say ‘Holy Smokes’ but that would seem a might … well, nevermind, I can’t think of the word.

Even the medical folks touted cigarette smoking. More doctors smoked Camels. I wonder if this is like the commercials you see today about More Dentists Do This and More Nurses Do That. Well, I ain’t seen no nurse commercials that I remember but, then again, I just might have been so taken with other things I didn’t hear what they were saying.

Hey Mom, Grad a cigarette before you even think about scolding me. It’ll help you calm down. And you’ll never feel over-smoked due to the Miracle of Marlboro. It’s a dadblame miracle, ain’t it, that smoking didn’t become popular and kill everybody. Yeah, right. I saw a commerical just last night about some drug to reduce the number of "cycles" a woman has from once a month to once a quarter, but it said something like the drug would kill you if you smoked. And I’m still trying to understand the connection between smoking and a woman’s cycle.