Daily Humor to Make You Smile P. 2

Daily Humor to Make You Smile introduced Richard and Terry a while back as well as a few of their friends. Well, let me tell you about the time Terry dressed up Richard as Santa Claus and took him to the mall. Richard sat there chatting with the kids while Terry snapped photos of Santa and the Kid, plus a few additional photos of the young moms accompanying them. You just gotta know Terry to understand. Well, let me put it this way. You just got to know a little something about men. ‘Nuff said.

Well, this one little girl crawled up on Santa’s lap and said she wanted a little brother for Christmas. So Santa (Richard) whispered to her. "Tell your mom to come see me in a minute."

That last story reminds me of Richard and Terry’s friend John. Now you gotta understand that John lives in a small one-horse town in Mississippi just outside Tunica. The receptionist’s desk at the doctor’s office sits in the middle of the waiting room, and there’s no such thing as privacy when talking to the young lady. If that wasn’t enough, she always asks probing questions. So Ol’ John heads up to the doc’s office because he’s having a pretty serious problem.

Sure enough, the young lady looks up and asks, "What are you seeing the doctor about today?"

John answered, "My penis."

You shoulda seen the look of horror that crossed that little filly’s face. "Sir, we’d prefer you be a little more discreet."

John answered, "I ain’t the one who asked the question."

"But, sir," she protested. "You should have said something like, My arm. Then when you got into the doctor’s office you could have talked to him in private." Well, Ol’ John walked out of the office, only to return a few minutes later.

"I need to see the doctor," he said.

"What are you seeing the doctor for today?" the girl asked.

"My arm," he replied.

She smiled at how well the man had followed her advice. "What’s wrong with your arm?" she asked, to which he replied, "I’m having trouble pissing out of it."

Terry and Richard have a friend they call Buddy. I’m not sure anybody knows his real name; he’s just been called Buddy for as long as anyone can remember. Well, Buddy was a victim of corporate greed and watched his job get shipped overseas. What with hundreds of thousands of people losing their job, he simply could not find work of any kind. One day he was standing just outside the labor office and heard people talking about a medical testing company that was looking for test subjects. He got the address and hurried over.

The lady behind the desk looks ol’ Buddy up and down. Then she says, "We only have one test available at the moment. And it’s for men who will mate with gorillas. There’s a fee of $500."

Buddy thought about it for a moment or two. Then he said, "Okay, I’ll do it under three conditions. First, absolutely no one can ever find out I did it. Second, if there is any offspring I want to know that they will be treated humanely. Third, I’ve been off work for several months, so it’s gonna take me some time to come up with the money."

Terry and Richard had been out one night doing some serious damage to the countie’s supply of beer. They flipped a coin to see who would drive home, and Terry won the honor.

He’d driven only two blocks when blue lights began flashing behind him. He pulled over and told Richard, "Keep quiet. I’ll do all the talking ’cause your drunker than me." Richard nodded just as the officer tapped on the driver’s window.

Terry opened the window to see a petite, busty female cop. As explained previously about men, he smiled.

"Sir, would you get out of the car please?" she said.

"Yes, m’am," Terry answered in his best drunk voice. "Anything for you, young lady."

The officer held up her hand. "Sir, I need to tell you that anything you say can and will be held against you."

Terry thought for a moment and said, "Breasts."

Tom the Traveler is another friend of Terry and Richard. They call him the Traveler because he goes to some of the hottest spots in the world for vacation, and he does it every year. Well, the guys wanted to know how he managed to do it.

Tom said, "Well, truth be told, it was a very bad idea. You guys remember that last year it was Hawaii." They nodded. "Well, got back and the wife was pregnant. The year before that it was Paris. Got back and the wife was pregnant. The year before that it was Amsterdam. Got back and the wife was pregnant."

Richard said, "Well, Tom, that sounds like some pretty successful vacations to me. What are you going to do different?"

Tom stretched his back, looked at Terry, than back at Richard. "This year I’m taking the wife with me."

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